Apr 09 2009
If you wanna get punched…
Everyone has heard about how crazy emotional and hormonal pregnant women are… We fume at anything that attempts to drain our patience: Red lights, other children, people who don’t know how to get their damn shopping cart out of the middle of the grocery food aisle. We cry through sappy commercials or, God forbid, if hubby neglects to get the exact kind of candy bar we’re craving (no, honey, Snickers is nothing like a Milky Way *sniffle*). Don’t even get me started on how testy we can be if we’re ravenously hungry…
So tell me, in the midst of our hormonal upheaval, why in the world would anyone want to make us even more emotional or pissed off? Honestly, people, you need to think twice before you open your mouth to speak to a pregnant woman. We’re pregnant and punch-y and if you catch us at just the wrong moment, you could be the recipient of a well directed punch to the nose. At the very least, you’ll get a pretty mean stare down. After all, we’re trying to perfect our Mom Glare for when we need to use it on our own offspring.
Don’t mess with us.
To help you out, here are some things you should never ever say to a pregnant woman. Please. I’m only going to ask nicely once. After that, I may have to smack you.
“Haven’t you heard of birth control?” or “Don’t you guys know where babies come from by now?”
Uuuuugh. Are you trying to demean us? Make us feel like the most ignorant people on Earth? This comment, though usually meant as a joke, is not funny. Have you considered the fact that maybe our baby was a bit of a Woopsie? Maybe we’re still coming to terms with the fact that we’re going to be having another child a little sooner than we planned. This comment is soooo awful!
“I never dealt with morning sickness.”
Okay, so if this is said right, it isn’t a big deal. For instance, “I never had morning sickness, and I feel so awful for you that you’re going through this,” is acceptable. But simply mentioning it is not something we want to hear when we’re green faced and near puking with even the slightest scent.
“Holy crap, you’re huge!” or “Dang, are you sure you’re not having twins?”
Folks, this is not a compliment, even if we are, in fact, having twins. While you may mean “Your belly is getting bigger,” to us, it sounds like our entire body, that we’re already insanely self-conscious of, is getting big. Please, also refrain from any comment about “Wow, you’re bigger than the last time I saw you,” because duh, that’s the general idea of pregnancy, and this comment also makes us feel like a beached whale.
Note: Even after she has her baby, do not tell her “Wow, you were so huge.” Just don’t do it. I don’t care if it has been five years, don’t.
“Your face looks… fuller.” or “You definitely have that ‘pregnant look’ to your face.”
Don’t. Just don’t. No face comments. Some of us, no matter how little weight we gain, will have faces that get heavier throughout the pregnancy. We already notice it. Don’t point it out.
”You can’t eat/drink that, you’re pregnant.”
Do not tell us what we can or cannot eat. Unless we’re about to down an entire bottle of Valium and wash it down with some Jack Daniels, you are not allowed to comment on our food choices. Despite everyone thinking otherwise, pregnant women can have caffeine. We can have steak that is not cooked to super well done. We can even *gasp* have a little red wine on occasion, especially in the third trimester. So lay off, buster. Believe us, we have our babies’ best interests at heart, but sometimes getting through the day is damn near impossible without a cup of coffee or two.
“You’re simply glowing.”
What does that even mean? The only other time I have heard the term “glowing” was to refer to the fact that boys sweat and girls “glow.” So, does this mean that you’re telling me I look sticky and hot? I mean, I did just climb up three flights of stairs while lugging 25 lbs of babyweight on my abdomen, so that’s pretty likely, but I don’t need you to tell me I’m glowing.
“Oh, you’ll have a boy and a girl, now you’ll have the perfect family!” or “I’m so sorry you’re going to have two of the same sex.”
So maybe there’s a tiny inkling of disappointment that we didn’t get the gender we were hoping for, but making it sound like something to be sad about is quite insulting. So, if we didn’t have a boy and a girl, does that mean our family is imperfect? Because we think our family is quite nice the way it is, thankyouverymuch.
“Dang, you still haven’t had that baby?”
Trust me, no one is more ready to meet their baby than the pregnant woman herself. Whining to us because you want to see that precious little child and get a chance to hold them is like preaching to the choir. It’s not like we’re not already insanely uncomfortable trying to sleep with the enormous mass bulging from our abdomen, begging God to put us into labor already so we can just get it over with. Don’t ask us, we’ll let you know when the time comes. (And if you keep pestering us, we may decide to wait a little extra time before telling you, simply to get back at you for asking so much. So there.)
Fear not, my friend, there are some wonderful things you can say to a pregnant woman instead!
“You are all belly, girl!”
Ahhh, see this is nice to hear. “All belly” means “All baby” which means our own body doesn’t look puffy and leaden with fat. You may tell us we’re all belly as much as you’d like.
“You gained 20 lbs this month? Wow, it must be all baby because you sure don’t look like it.”
Again, this comment makes us feel good.
“You should have another serving. Hey, you only get to be pregnant a few times!”
Why thank you, I think I will have another slice of pie since you put it that way.
I hope this lesson in things to never say to a pregnant woman will come in handy for you or someone you love. Goodness knows, you do not want to cross a pregnant woman. We are a unique breed of hormones and emotions, ready to attack or cry at any moment.
This is great - I hope a lot of people read it and take it to heart! I was overdue with both my boys and went into work until the very end - I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “You haven’t had that baby yet?” or “You’re still here?” Once I snapped at someone, “No, I’m not here, I’m a figment of your imagination!”
Not a good idea to mess with a pregnant woman! Especially if she’s overdue and it’s summertime.
Another no-no… suggesting foods to someone with morning sickness. I can’t tell you how many times someone would say “Oh just try eating ___.” My OB made me see a dietician and when I told her how bad my morning sickness was she started suggesting foods to try. I told her the thought of food made me sick. She wouldn’t stop. I puked in her trash can. She shut up : )
Being 7 months along, I concur, lol. I am blessed to have a hubby who makes me still feel beautiful, even though I KNOW i’ve gained in places besides my belly, heh.
And why does everyone think they should get to feel my tummy?!!!
Thanks all!
Oh goodness, Quadmama I absolutely know what you’re talking about. My mom actually did that to me when I had told her absolutely nothing sounded appealing to me. “Not even scrambled eggs?” she asked. “Mom, stop.” “What about spaghetti?” “Seriously, stop.” Bbbbllleeeech.
I was always a target for twin comments, it made me crazy. Even from my mother who insisted a second fetus could have been hiding behind the first in any of a number of ultrasounds my doctor performed. I also had a McDonald’s cashier scold me for ordering a Coke with my value meal. Restraining myself from punching noses, or at least kicking shins, got progressively harder with each pregnancy. Really, eat what you want, it’s good for you.