Silly Mom Thoughts

There are so many random things I wonder about on a day-to-day basis. For instance: Why do so many maternity shirts have that blasted tie in the back? This is one very serious thing I wonder about, especially when I’m forced to wear said shirts. Honestly, do pregnant women not sit down? Do we not drive cars? Why must we wear these shirts that tie in the back, leaving this horribly uncomfortable knot that digs squarely into the spine?

As if we’re not already uncomfortable enough, lugging around water weight, baby weight, and a baby or two…

And along the lines of being pregnant, I have often found myself wondering about male OB doctors. Specifically those that are married.

You know how, when you have a job, you find yourself relieved when you go home and don’t have to think about work anymore?

Does that happen to male OBs? I mean, their job is, essentially, vaginas. Pregnant ones, postpartum ones, ones that are trying to prevent pregnancy, others that are too old to get pregnant… but all day long, he’s looking at cooch. So, what I wonder (though maybe I’m a little off my rocker for even remotely wondering this), is does he feel like it’s work still when he goes home to his wife?

“Honey, I’ve been waiting for you to get home all day,” she says, dressed in sexy lingerie. “I have a little surprise for you in the bedroom.”

“Yeah, that’s okay,” he coldly dismisses her. “I’ve been looking at va-jay-jays all day long, I’m good.”

Seriously, think about it!

Though, the part of me that knows some of the mental workings of the male species, also knows that they would probably not turn down sex with their wife, ever.

Then, there are other, less intense thoughts that go through my mind.

Like, why does the Dollar Store put out ads? I mean, really. Everybody knows where the Dollar Store is in their town and knows exactly what they’ll find there. Better yet, they know exactly how much they’re going to pay for anything they get at the Dollar Store. Uhm, a dollar. So, why do they need to put out ads in the mail? Hm.

There’s also the concept of Disney’s “Fast Play” on their DVDs. According to the DVD announcer, “Fast Play” will play a selection of bonus features (yeah, bonus features my ass, they’re all previews), and then roll right into the movie automatically. I’m sorry, but to me, “Fast Play” means that the movie is going to start now, not after ten minutes of previews. They should change the name to “Eventual Play” or “A freebie ten minutes added to your movie without having to mess with the menu screen where your kid is going to whine that he wants every movie played in the trailers.”

Once upon a time, my mind was consumed with work, finishing college, and taking exams. Now, these are the things that consume my mind. What in the world have I become?

Oh, right. A mom.