Silly Mom Thoughts

If only I could have stayed in the floral section of the store…

If you have never had the pleasure of experiencing morning sickness (and by pleasure I mean agony), then you have surely at the very least had the flu at least once in your life. You know that feeling when you’re so sick, you can’t even stand to watch food commercials on TV because everything makes you want to yarf? Well, that’s a little bit how morning sickness feels pretty much all day long.

Today, I had to make a trip to the grocery store. It was unavoidable, we had nothing to eat in the house, and I dreaded it from the moment I woke up this morning. Let me tell you, the grocery store in the midst of a bout of morning sickness is nothing short of pure torture. Before stepping in the doors, I mentally prepared myself. I will not puke, I will not puke, was my mantra the entire time.

I took a deep breath, stepped into the store, and prepared to walk swiftly to the specific aisles that I needed. Immediately, my plans were thwarted. Several steps into the store, one pathway, blocked. The next, blocked, forcing me to stand and try very hard to ignore the smell of the deli and fried chicken nearby.

Finally, I got through. I hightailed it to the bakery for some free cookies I promised to Bug and Bean and a dozen bagels to satisfy my bagel and cream cheese craving. Bakery smells? Tolerable.

Two more aisles cleared in record time, and on to the next, the frozen dinner freezer aisle. Blocked again. I breathed through my mouth and stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore the packages of lasagna, seafood, chicken, all kinds of meals that make me want to barf. It was like a horror movie. I could sense the packages of these disgusting meals just an arm’s length away from me. It was as though they were all haunting me, trying to torment me in my nauseated state. Liiiindsay! Liiiindsay! Look at us! We want you to eat us!

I felt my stomach lurch, but I willed myself not to puke. I haven’t puked in a grocery store since I was seven years old. I was so not about to break that record. Uncharacteristically for me, I cut my way through the backup and made my way out of the aisle. Rude? Maybe. But, I’d bet the women in the aisle would rather a rude chick cut them off than be witness to a grown woman puking in the middle of the freezer aisle.

Fortunately, the rest of my trip went well, though the nasty feeling never subsided. I avoided the meat aisle at all cost, despite the fact that they were having a wicked awesome sale on ground turkey. I was so relieved to leave that store.

Next time, I’m sending Turk.

I realized, while I was unloading my groceries back at home, that I’m on a very interesting diet. Any food that is remotely appealing to me is brown or white. Bread, bagels, waffles, potatoes, Toaster Strudels, cereal, all brown. String cheese, vanilla yogurt, milk, cheese, rice, noodles, pears, all white. Strange, huh? I realize these foods aren’t the healthiest for me to be consuming, but honestly at this point, I’m simply eating whatever I can stomach. I will worry about adding healthier options when I can walk into the grocery store and not fret about tossing my cookies at the scent of fried chicken.

Along those lines, I’m not tremendously worried about my weight gain this time around. I know I will lose the weight after my babies are born, I have done it before and I will do it again. For now, I’m going to pack on the pounds, make my babies as healthy and chunky as I can, and deal with the fact that I’m going to get flippin’ huge in a few months time. Hey, it’s my last pregnancy, I’m never going to get to do this again. I’m going to fulfill each and every one of my cravings this time around, because there will be no other time in my life when it’ll be okay to do so.

Excuse me while I pop another Toaster Strudel in the toaster. Mmmmm.