Silly Mom Thoughts

I know I saw the ultrasound yesterday. Even without the grainy picture they gave me, the image of those two little sacs carrying my two little babies is clearly etched in my mind. I saw one baby very clearly, and got a brief glimpse of the other one. Are there really two? Am I seriously going to have twins ?

It seems far too good to be true. In some weird place in my mind, I keep thinking there must be some mistake. There’s no way one person could be so lucky. A beautiful boy, a gorgeous girl, and now twins? What did I do to deserve such a blessing?

This thinking leads me also to thinking about how easily it could all be taken away from me. I shouldn’t think like that, I know, but that’s just how I work. Any negative thought that enters my mind, I think,  “You’d better knock that off, Lindsay, or something bad is going to happen.” Paranoid? Maybe. But when you feel as blessed as I do, you don’t want to take any chances on worthless, negative thoughts.

I am a firm believer that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. He knew how badly I have always wanted twins, and I’m sure He knew what my elated reaction would be when I found out. He gave me my wonderfully lovable, but still trying Bug as practice for twins to come. He gave me Bean, in all her sweet sassiness for more practice. I’m not scared of twins. Sure, they’ll be lots of work and I’m sure I’ll have a few more gray hairs by the time they reach Kindergarten, but they’re babies. They’re miracles. How anyone could ever think their life was over simply for the fact that they’re having multiples is beyond me.

Turk and I started talking about having children long before we made our wedding vows. He always said he wanted two or three kids, I said I wanted four. He was worried about four kids financially. I said, time and time again, “It’s okay, we’ll have two kids  and our last one will be twins. I’ll get my four.” I was joking, of course, but wow how true that statement became! I was honestly prepared for only three. Three was my max, I realized after parenting for the past 3.5 years. Apparently God thinks otherwise and I won’t argue with his decision.

Now, I worry for two babies. I worry that by my next ultrasound one or both of them will have vanished. I worry that it is all too good to be true. But then, I think that maybe, just maybe, it’s all in how you look at things. Instead of seeing twins as a curse, I see it as an enormous blessing. Maybe it all depends upon your frame of mind.