Silly Mom Thoughts

Dear Santa,

This year I want just a few things, if you have some extra room in your giant sack.

First, I would love some patience. Patience when my son decides to grab a new roll of wrapping paper and gift wrap himself, ruining much of the roll, after I already told him three times that he couldn’t play with it. Patience for the times when that same little boy thinks it’s a great idea to unroll the entire roll of toilet paper and shove it in the toilet.  I would also love patience for the times when my squirmy toddler decides that getting her poopy diaper changed is not on her list of priorities and proceeds to wiggle around, spreading poop everywhere. (Oh, and patience for when she decides to reach down and stick her hand on her butt during the aforementioned diaper change.)

Santa, I would also love unlimited Starbucks gift cards so I can treat myself to an amazing cup of coffee on those days when I’m driving around desperately trying to get my kids to fall asleep in the car.

I’m not sure if you’re allowed to tote human cargo, but Santa, if you could send me a personal maid/nanny I would really appreciate it. I would appreciate having someone who could deal with the tantrums my kids throw, but who will send the kids my way when they’re in wonderful, lovey dovey moods. I would love it if someone would scrub my showers and toilets and constantly supervise Bug when he’s in the bathroom so he doesn’t destroy any more toilet paper.

In fact, could you just make me two people so one of me could tend to the house and kids, while the other one of me gets to write whenever I want, spend time with friends and family, and maybe even exercise? That would be even better.

I would also be ever so appreciative if you could laser off these stretch mark scars, and maybe take some post-baby flab while you’re at it too. A super fast metabolism would be an extra plus as well, so I could eat all the crap I wanted without gaining an ounce.

There are a few tangible things I would love to get this Christmas as well, if you’re feeling extra generous.

I would love a bed frame for our bed. Not a plain ‘ol metal frame, ‘cuz I am a huge klutz and always manage to kick the damn metal legs (which, by the way, feels awesome when my feet are freezing cold), but a nice wooden one that makes our room look inviting and cozy.

It would be amazing if you could send someone to our house to finish our summer house project. You see, we have been without molding for months now since we put laminate flooring in our house and that project took up more money than we had originally anticipated. It’s getting pretty old looking at the non-molded floor and doors. Oh, and while you’re at it, if you could send someone to help us fix our new doors that are supposed to go in, that would be super cool too.

Santa, I would love a fashionable, comfortable, and most importantly, stain-proof wardrobe. One that is made with high quality fabric that doesn’t crap out on me in a month. A wardrobe that can take whatever my kids throw or smear at it. Boy, Santa, that sure would be swell.

Finally, I would like a Red Rider BB Gun, with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. Oh, and a pink bunny suit too. (For the record, A Christmas Story is the best Christmas movie on the planet even though you’re not in it.)

Thank you, Santa, for always being there to send my wishes to. I understand if you can’t get me these things this year, but it’s the thought that counts, so if you just think about it, I’d appreciate it.

Love,

Lindsay

P.S. I have been a very good girl this year. (But you already knew that, didn’t you?)

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