Silly Mom Thoughts

Ever since I jumped into this “Motherhood” thing, there is one thing that has baffled me, and continues to baffle me to this day.

It isn’t the decision to breastfeed or not (and really, who cares as long as your baby is fed and loved).

Nor is it the decision to be a stay-at-home-mom or to work (again, who cares).

It doesn’t even have to do with hard-hitting issues like circumcision or vaccinations.

Nuh uh.

It has to do with relationships. Specifically, of the Husband and Wife kind.

I co-host a birth board on one of those mommy chat sites, and I’ve seen a lot in the way of controversy and heated issues. I have also seen posts from women where I have felt very very sorry for their children and spouses. Possibly one of the most prominent conversations in my mind dealt with co-sleeping.

The woman on this co-sleeping chat admitted that her children still slept in bed with herself and her husband. Admittedly, I don’t remember their exact ages, but I believe it was something like 6 and 3. What disturbed me most about this lady’s admission was that she mentioned very explicitly that her husband disagreed with co-sleeping and was quite unhappy with their sleeping arrangement. Her response to him was essentially, “Tough cookies. The kids are more important.”

Does anyone else see anything wrong with this scenario?

Now, I will admit, I have co-slept with my children. When babies are newborn, keeping your boob monster nearby is often all you can do to get a few minutes of uninterrupted sleep. Then, of course, there are times when they get older and they have a bad dream or wake up early and curl into bed with you. I get that. I live with that. What I don’t get, what baffles me more than anything in life, is choosing your children over your otherwise healthy, loving relationship with your spouse.

Do women not realize that once the kids are grown and gone that they’re still (hopefully) going to be married to their husband? Don’t they realize that if they stop talking to them, stop taking their feelings and thoughts to heart, that they are also going to stop growing in their relationship? Most importantly, don’t these people (mostly women) know that the single most important people in their kids’ lives are their parents? And that kids want their parents together and happy, not co-habitating and miserable?

Keeping the love alive after you have kids is really freaking hard. It’s hard to get it on when your baby is curled up next to you in a bassinet or even knowing that they’re in the room next to yours.

(Funny side story: Turk and I were having some *ahem* “time” together and forgot to lock the door. I heard Bug opening the door and, being the genius I am, I hid underneath the covers . When I realized he wasn’t going to leave the room, I emerged from my hiding spot. Bug’s face lit up and he asked, “I hide too?” while attempting to lift the covers. Turk and I both yelled “No!” and Bug ran out of the room.)

It’s hard to find time in your busy day of endless laundry and spit-up to feel like looking sexy. And, when given the option, my guess is that you’d easily choose nap over a shower on most days. But, no matter how tough it is, taking the time now to nurture and expand your marriage will only make things easier down the road. Maybe then, when you’re celebrating your 30 year anniversary, you can look back on those times when your kids almost caught you bumping uglies and giggle about it. My hope is that then, you’ll realize that you’re still in love all those years and babies later.

Here’s an article I wrote with tips on bringing back romance after baby. I hope you enjoy it!

http://www.ehow.com/how_4561448_back-romance-after-baby-arrives.html

Love each other. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and the easier the hard times will be.