Oct 13 2008
What did you do all day?
After I first had Bug, Turk came home one day from work to a messy house and made the dire mistake of asking me, “What did you do all day long?”
Ladies, I can hear you cringing from here.
Lets just say that little comment did not sit well with me and left me in a fit of tears and rage. Fortunately, Turk soon realized exactly what it was that I did all day long after he spent a day alone with Bug. We didn’t have that conversation again. Well, sorta.
It always comes up in conversations between stay-at-home moms and their working spouse. It’s simply inevitable. In my experience, and hearing from others, the conversation usually plays out a little something like this:
Hubby comes home from work to a messy house. Toys are strewn every which way, wadded up diapers are hidden everywhere like stinky Easter Eggs, and a child or two is running around buck naked.
“Wow, this place is a mess, what did you do today?” he asks his wife.
Now, Hubby could have meant a couple of different things by this statement.
First, it may have innocently been, “How was your day and what kind of stuff did you and the kids do?”
Or, it may have rudely been, “How the heck did our house get so messy and why is it that you’ve been here all day and haven’t cleaned it?”
Regardless of Hubby’s intent with his statement, Wifey is going to assume the latter and get defensive.
“I’ve been home taking care of our children all day long,” she’d spout, “I’ve been pooped on, puked on, the kids have messed up every single thing I have tried to clean up, I haven’t even taken a shower, and now you’re complaining about the house being messy?! At least you got to go to work and escape this madness!”
To which Hubby would defensively reply, “Yeah, because I’ve been at work all day partying and eating bon bons. It’s been a whole ton of fun there.”
Aaaarrrgh.
Is there a way to break this awful cycle? Can we call a truce between wives and hubbies and just accept that we are both working hard all day long?
Maybe this will help.
Stay-at-home Moms, remember:
Husbands don’t go to work and have fun. They answer to bosses, get yelled at by clients, and eat cold sandwiches for lunch. They sit in traffic, bust their tailbones to meet deadlines, and try to do just that little bit extra to get a promotion. Plus, they don’t usually mean it maliciously when they ask you what you did today, they just really wanna know what your day was like.
Working Dads, remember:
Wives don’t get set lunchtimes where they get to put their work down. And while your job is often difficult and tiring, your clients don’t poop on you or try to bite you when you displease them (at least, I hope they don’t). You get to leave work at work for the most part, where moms are on duty 24/7. And instead of coming home and asking “What did you do all day?” try asking, “What can I do to help you out?” You may just bring your wife to happy tears.
It’s an uphill battle, this challenge of “who works harder.” But I think that maybe, just maybe, we can somehow come to an agreement that we’re all working our butts off.
(Moms do work a little harder though.)
*Wink!*
You made me giggle! Ryan has never asked what I’ve done all day but he has frequently said that his job is harder than mine. Riiiiight, meetings on the golfcourse, 3 hour steak & wine lunches, and hours in the car listening to anything but the Wiggles. Real rough.
Of course, I’ve tried leaving him home with Sage all day long. Guess what….I come home to a huge mess. Though somehow he STILL doesn’t see it.
Love this entry. As a part time working mom, I’ve seen both sides. I agree both are draining and difficult in different ways. But the big different comes down to this: stay at home moms never get a sick day.
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