Silly Mom Thoughts

Do you know what time it is, as I type this blog?

3:23am

Why the heck am I awake at 3:23am?

I think it’s called “Pre-flight Jitters.”

I’m not afraid of flying (although the idea of falling out of the sky in a fiery ball of metal definitely isn’t my idea of a good time). I’m not even worried about leaving my kids, since I know they’ll be well taken care of. I think I’m just mega-excited at the thought of having 5 days of no “Mommy Responsibilities.” (That, and I have not packed and don’t feel quite ready to go, which may have something to do with it.)

A good friend asked me if I will miss my kids when I’m gone. I had to pause for a moment to plan my words carefully, and this is what I came up with:

“Sure, I will miss my kids, but honestly, I refuse to spend my lovely trip pining over them.”

Guess what her response was.

Do you think she gasped in horror that I made such an audacious statement? Hung up on me? Called me a “bad mom?”

Nope!

She breathed a sigh of relief and said, “That is so refreshing to hear.”

Here’s the thing: it is perfectly okay (and healthy) to take time away from your kids and not feel guilty about it. It’s okay to take a step away from them, allow yourself to miss them a little bit, and come back refreshed. What would be the point of going on a trip where I spent the entire time crying and missing my kids? I wouldn’t come back a better mom, that’s for sure.

Instead of pining over my children, I will spend the time away soaking in as much “me time” as I can hold. I’ll mentally stock up on coffee breaks, adult conversation, uninterrupted sleep, and warm meals. This way, in a couple of weeks when I find myself drinking cold coffee and speaking toddler-ease, I’ll have the memory of my 5 days of straight “me time” fresh in my subconscious.

At the very least, the term “absence makes the heart grow fonder” works with kids too. I know that on my trip I will forget those annoying little things that my toddlers do to test me and only think of how sweet and loving they are. Plus, I know that when I come home, my little Bug will be there to greet me with a hug and, “I miss you, Mommy!” Next to, “I love you, Mommy,” there are few things better than being missed.

Now, to dispel these pre-flight jitters and get to packing. Wait, it’s still the middle of the night. Okay, maybe sleep first and then pack.

“I don’t want,” is the oft heard remark of Bug at dinnertime.

“Bug, look, it’s watermelon, you love watermelon.”

“I don’t want.”

“But Bug, you need to try a bite. It’s delicious, see?” At this point, I take an over-dramatic bite followed by an equally over-the-top, “Mmmmm! Mommy likes it.”

He remains firm, “I don’t want!”

The gloves are off, “Bug, you will take one bite of this watermelon or you’ll go to bed hungry.”

He stands up and says, “I go bed.”

Score: Bug 1, Mommy 0

This scenario has played itself out time and time again in our home. I refuse to play short order cook, so it is well known in our home that if you don’t like what Mommy made, you’ll go hungry. Unfortunately, Bug is perfectly fine with that. It’s infuriating.

It’s not like I’m trying to get him to try something exotic and creepy like cavier or octopus. It’s a friggin’ slice of watermelon for Heaven’s sake.

Just recently, I implemented a brand new tactic, after attending a Love and Logic parenting class. I took the idea that kids want to be a part of the fun, and therefore hate being excluded, and tried my own little tactic at dinner time. It went a little something like this:

“Bug, you can’t eat just applesauce, how about your eggs or this biscuit?”

Bet you’ll never guess what he said next…

“I don’t want.”

With a mock sigh I turned to him and said, “That is so sad, Bug. If you aren’t going to be in here eating dinner, then you can’t be in here at all. I’m sorry, leave the kitchen.”

It was a stretch, a bit of a leap of faith, but he left the kitchen and boy was he crushed.

He ran out to the living room and threw himself on the couch, crying, “I wanna eat dinner!”

Eureka!

“Okay, Bug, you can come and eat dinner with us, but you have to actually eat.”

Know what happened? He ate the biscuit.

Score: Bug 1 Mom 1

I utilized this trick a few times after that. Most of the time it worked, sometimes it didn’t, but no matter what happened, I wasn’t forcing food down his throat, nor was I making a special meal just for him.

Oh, and The Pig? Well, Ms. Bean sat through each and every one of these scenarios chowing down on anything and everything I put in front of her. Honestly, I think that she pays Bug off to not eat, so she can have his food.

Since you will be hearing a lot about them, I figured I should introduce you to my kids and hubby. I will be using pseudonyms for them, not because I think you’re going to come by and steal them from me (and if you did, joke’s on you stealing my constantly poopy, hard-headed, crazy toddlers), but to make this blog less about my kids and more about kids in general.

Having said that, what mom doesn’t love showing off her family? Here they are, in no particular order:

Bug, age 3. The most amusing and frustrating person I have ever had the privilege to love (and who got into my mascara in this picture).

Bean, 11 months, and the sweetest-yet-sassiest toddler ever!

And, since you’ve met my kids, here’s my husband, Turk:

He is not your typical guy. He does more dishes and laundry than I ever have, and he isn’t afraid to jump around the house like a raving lunatic, making hilarious monkey noises. Oh, and he plays with the kids too.

Tomorrow I will post about our ongoing battle with Bug: dinnertime.

Welcome to Silly Mom Thoughts, where your entertainment is my pleasure. Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and be prepared to giggle, snort, and chuckle along with me. Here, I will divulge my own experiences in parenting, always with the attempt to find a humorous twist to even the grossest and most frustrating situations. It is my hope that you will not only stop by for a laugh, but will also leave this blog knowing you are not alone. After all, we all go through the ups and downs of motherhood and if we’re being honest, sometimes it really sucks.

So, if you’re looking for a humorous relief to your parenting woes, this blog is for you. But, if you’re looking for the following, move along my friend, because this ain’t your cup of tea.

You shouldn’t read this blog if…

• you can’t take a joke.
• you want parenting advice from someone who knows what they’re doing (’cuz I don’t know about you, but I have no idea what I’m doing).
• your children are perfect.
• you are perfect.
• the word “poo” (or any of its derivatives) freaks you out.

If that didn’t scare you away, then welcome! Please feel free to leave comments on my blogs, start conversations, spread the word to your friends. The more the merrier.